Keepin' it together...

I have learned that I am pretty dang good at keeping the appearance of keeping it together. When I was about 20 I started having panic attacks, cue hands curling in (shut up Glen). I ruined one of my brother's dates with one of my first episodes, but I did it without making a scene and she was a skag.

Today I had to lead the music in sacrament meeting. I've done this many times and never had a problem- except when the organist messes up and I lose it and start giggling in front of the whole congregation- whatever. USually I keep it together. Today I was leading the sacrament hymn and I was suddenly panic stricken. I knew in my heart it was a panic attack, but what if this one time it was real and I was about to fall down dead of a heart attack. I was standing there waving my arm and mouthing the words- trying to decide if it would be more embarrassing to run off the stage, give Jeebs the high sign to go up there and finish leading or faint dead away in front of everybody. I kept going- as I told myself, it's in my head, it's in my head- please Heavenly Father let it be in my head and help me get through this. I started thinking who could help me if something did happen- Bishop Frogley could probably crack my brain stem to help relieve something and Bishop Whaley is a doctor- either one- I'm in good hands if I pass out. How embarrassing to pass out!! Don't pass out. The pain in my arm is muscle pain. It's in your head. blah blah blah

And then it was over- the longest 4 verses in existence. I sat down, ripped off my scarf and unbuttoned my jacket which was concealing my fat stomach and fanned myself. I don't think anybody noticed I was in complete meltdown mode. Did you?

The irony of the situation- someone did faint in the hallway at church today and it wasn't me.

Excellence in Cooking

Even though I only took 2 pictures we had a glorious Thanksgiving feast. I think that's why I only took 2 pictures because I was too busy cooking and eating. We had turkey, dressing (the best I've ever made with fresh sage, sausage and cranberries), mashed taters, green bean casserole (to.die.for.), cake mix dinner rolls, and of course pumpkin pie to wash it all down. Gosh. We even trekked around outside gathering acorns and gumballs for my centerpiece. No pictures of that either.
I made Tates a paper bonnet, but she wanted to make a man pilgrim hat which ended up big enough for Jeebs.
Ezra was hungry way before everything was finished so he got a head start.

FHE before Thanksgiving we went to Sonic to get the kids slushes. I don't know when we'll learn to get Ezra his own slush because he was very unhappy when he had to give Tates back her slush. She put it up on the kitchen counter so he got very resourceful. He got quiet for a bit and this is how I caught him in the kitchen.

Dear Neighbor,

Thanks so much for adding such interest to our Thanksgiving. We loved when your little guest came running into our yard and without asking jumped on our trampoline. It was even better when the little guy's dad got on with his big chunky boots. Dang us- we should have remembered to put up the no shoes sign because we're weird like that and don't want grown people jumping with boots on. Remember when your little boy came over and jacked our baseball? Then he played with it and apparently you thought he just "found" it in our yard because you put it in your house and we had to ask to get it back. That was swell. The bestest part was when y'all were all exercising your lungs after dinner by screaming and hollering. My dog loved it too- did you hear him barking? Yeah, we were all trying to rest, but that's ok we know you needed to yell outside. Thanks again for everything and Happy Thanksgiving- we can't wait for Christmas!!

Love,
the Nicolaysens

Ridiculous

We went to Jacksonville on Saturday and the one thing that bothers me most about that drive is all the advertisements for WIC. Why in the world are we advertising for WIC? Is it not enough that taxpayers have to pay for the program, we have to pay for advertisements too? It's like the government is trying to sell you on it. Why? The government wants more people on those programs? So they have more control and taxpayers have less money? I don't understand. Someone please enlighten me.

A guest post from my brother on running

You try to be a runner. You run. You think, "I'm getting good at this!" Next thing you know you've eaten nachos for lunch with tons of jalapenos. You decide to go for a nice evening run before dinner. Things are going well. Thoughts of, "I'm really going to go 3 miles today instead of 2!" run through your head. Next thing you know you are way off in the woods, shorts down, hanging onto a couple of trees, while jalapeno-infused lava dook is spraying the forest floor. You sob softly as you think to yourself, "Running sucks! It SUCKS!"

Post Edit: This was Glen and I was there and it was gross. It was pitch black outside- he stepped off into the woods and I didn't want to be left in the pitch blackness so I followed. I was a few steps away and I heard everything. Thankfully- I couldn't see anything and he threw away those shorts and underwear when we got home.

Today I ran

Someday I will be a runner. Every time I see someone running I think to myself, "I wish I could run like that." And then I think, "why couldn't I run like that?" So- why not me? Yeah I was NOT a runner in high school and yes, I do not have a runner's physique, but who cares? I want to run someday. Just a few months ago I was able to run 2 miles and it was easy. I ran a mile in under 10 min. So why not? why NOT? I ran today- just a little because that's all I can do right now. And to me, that's enough for right now. But - someday it will be a lot.

ps Ezra is so funny looking. I can't figure out who he looks like. He makes the craziest faces that are completely and totally all Ezra originals.

Dear shoe fairy

I really need these shoes.


Really, I do. I wish there was a shoe fairy because I'd put my old shoes that I don' t wear anymore under my pillow and maybe I'd get a new fabulous pair of shoes in their place. I really need to stop looking at things online because really I don't NEED a thing. All I need is right outside playing in the front yard- in the dark- waiting for the mail that hasn't come yet and it's 6:30 pm. Gotta love New Bern!

Eight is Great!

Taylor was baptized last Sunday! She was so pretty in her white dress made by her grandma Wagley and she looked so happy all day. Jeebs was emotional through the whole thing- it was his first baptism to perform. I love my Tates and I am so proud of her decision to be baptized. I love the priesthood and it blesses my life and my home daily. Time is going by too fast- 4 more years and she'll be in young women.

Hazards of your husband working from home

Jeebs' desk is 3 feet from our bed, maybe 2- I don't know. It's close enough that he has gotten black stuff on our white comforter from his computer chair- argh. Anyway- it's close. He sits at that desk all day long with his computers and his junk piles. Some days I'll go in in my skivvies or sit on his lap and kiss all over his face and then he'll jokingly say, "I'm talking to someone on the webcam." The first hundred times for a split second I would think, "oh my gosh!", but then after that it just became a funny joke. Today- he was talking with his earphones on sitting at his desk, as always and I casually walked in- went into the bathroom, plopped down and did my business. No, I don't close the door because I have 3 small children. You close the door and the world could come crashing down in mere half seconds. So- as usual I didn't close the door. I think we all know where this is going. I sat there minding my own business and I hear Jeebs say,"sorry, hang on a second." I see him push the computer screen down a bit and turn around with a huge grin on his face, "Nessa, this time I really am on the webcam." I was horrified and hysterical- "DID THEY SEE ME???" Still with a big grin on his face Jeebs tells me, "I was trying to block you with my ginormous head." I got done ran out and called my brother while we laughed hysterically- tears running down my cheeks. Jeebs then yells to me, "he says don't worry about it, his wife does it all the time." I still don't know what that means- she uses the bathroom while he's talking on the webcam? she doesn't close the bathroom door? like either one of those make it any better.(Me at the polls, not on the pot, photo courtesy of Tates)