Showdown with Picasso

I do not like birds. I do not like the fact that they have no control over their bowels. They just go at will. I do not like their gross little clawed up, 3 toed , shriveled feet. Their noises are even kinda freaky to me, though I have to admit it is pretty cool that our friend's cockatiel has a different whistle for each of them when he wants to get out. And this is where we begin our story. He was calling and calling and whistling and whistling and finally Wendy lets him out. I was in another room when the bird was let out so as I entered the scene Wendy was getting the bird off of Jeebs' shoulder. She tells me at this point that Picasso likes being on the shoulder of the tallest person in the room. I'm standing in the kitchen with Wendy and all the kids. I am about an inch taller than Wendy so all I can do is slouch a little bit and keep my eye on the bird ready to make a quick escape if he per chance tries to take flight and head for me. About 30 seconds after my initial thoughts of slouching race through my mind, he takes off and I see him in slow motion- wings expanding and flapping towards me. All I can do is turn and run screaming no, NO, NONONONONO. Someone caught the bird before he landed on me and I stop in the dining room where I am the only one standing. Again, here that dang bird comes- taking off, wings flapping, fwoomp fwoomp fwoomp, his nasty beady eyes staring straight at me, coming for me with his pucker string-less self. This time I turn, run, scream and frantically search for someone taller than me to stand by. There is no one. That has to be a first for me in my lifetime. I don't really no what happened next, I might have blacked out. He was caught and put away while everybody laughed at my freak out session. I was shaking and laughing at myself. I know it's ridiculous and I could've played it cool and said I was nervous it might land on my baby and scratch her. But really, if I had thought about it I probably would've lifted her up over my head so he would land on her and not me. (not really)

Yesterday I scooted Ezra out on the back porch with his lite saber (or is it light saber?) to do his swacking outside, instead of on my kitchen walls. He got in a few good swacks to my patio furniture and then I see him sucked up to the door as close as he can get, face pressed against the glass, tears coming out of his eyes, and screaming to let him in. I let him back in and asked him what was the matter. He tells me, "there's a bird out there!" I immediately replied, "A bird? the bird is not going to do anything to you!" I hear Jeebs yell from our bedroom, "How can you say that with a straight face?" It's true I have jacked up our kids. It's a good thing I married a man with only one fear, bees.

Modeling is tiring

Mookie was tired of modeling. She looks kind of like a sad elf in that first picture. She was just so cute in Taylor's old outfit. I didn't think I would have much left of Taylor's that would work for Kilmeny, but I found a couple of outfits and I couldn't resist. When Cagey saw her in her little hat he laughed and said she looked like an artist. That kid.

Sacked out

Ezra was so tired after coming home from a birthday party we went to on Saturday. He got several pieces of candy and apparently he was too tired to put another one in his mouth. His last piece only got as far as his chest.

Death of a honeybun

First words to me from Taylor this morning, "did you have a honeybun?" Nope. I did not. Jeebs was searching through the cupboards and obviously upset about the empty honeybun box sitting by the trash. He asks me, are they really all gone? No, they are not all gone, there are 2 more in the cupboard. I just took them out of the box so they would take up less room. As Cagey and Ezra trickle in for breakfast they too spy the empty box (why didn't I put it in the recycling bin last night?). Cagey asks, can you get more honeybuns at the store next time you go? No, no I can not. Ezra asks for a honeybun for breakfast. I flippin' hate honeybuns today. I do not like my children eating pre- packaged processed baked goods. I think they all expressed more concern over the empty honeybun box today than they would if I were laying lifeless by the trash can. So- I did what any good chubby baking mom would do- I made pumpkin muffins. Yes I made them with a cake mix, but I couldn't resist the ease of the recipe. It's a spice cake mix, a can o' pumpkin, and butterscotch chips. Then I put a little dab of cream cheese frosting on the top of each one. My children said they tasted like heaven with frosting. I have to say if heaven ain't got frosting built in, I don't know if I want in. But, I digress, at least I got them to eat something with pumpkin in them. That is major for Cagey. Then I had to take a pic of my pico de gallo I made. I love pico- I could live on it and I just eat it with a spoon most of the time because I'm the only one that likes it. I also think it's pretty to look at. I can't ever make it without thinking about my Aunt Martha. We had it the first time at her house and it obviously made a big impression. Then, Ezra wanted his picture taken and he is such a cuteness I couldn't resist. And, I'm sure you're all wanting to know, those two last honeybuns are still in the cupboard. Nessa 1 Little Debbie 0

A marathon Sunday

Yesterday I had to speak in sacrament meeting. In general public speaking makes me want to vomit, but lately I've been even more panicky than usual. Before I had to speak Mooks decided she was unhappy sitting quietly so I had to take her out into the lobby and as I stood out there I walked in circles plotting an escape. I kept thinking, "I can just go in the bathroom and pretend I'm sick and they won't find me or I can just go nurse the baby and blame it all on her, or on and on and on," Then I would say a prayer and calm down for a second and then my mind would run away again and I thought I was going to die. So- calm, DYING, calm, DYING, calm, DYING! get the picture? Yeah, it was pretty awful. Jeebs came out and got the baby so I could go sit with the kids and go up to give my talk. I sat back down with my kids and looked at them and told myself, "Look, I made these kids, I pushed them from my loins (without drugs), I've kept them alive up to this point, I can read this stupid talk!" That got me through the next two minutes and then I had to go up to the podium and I felt like a firefighter running into a burning building as everyone else is running out. No, I'm not a hero.

I started off okay because I was telling a story in my own words. Then I felt like I was running a race. I had to get it all out before I passed out or died in front of every one. If I'm going to die, I don't want everyone to see it, ya know? The only people I saw during the whole thing were my family. I saw Jeebs giving me a face- which I found out afterwards he was giving me the "slow down" signal and my sweet kids on the front row being very reverent except for one point when Cagey and/or Ezra said something in their normal voice. The pup was grateful (what movie?). After I said "amen", I breathed out for probably the first time in 7 minutes. Yes, 7 minutes- I wanted Jeebs to have plenty of time for his 9 page talk. (Cagey asked him before we left, "daddy how long is that talk?" Cagey is not a fan of long talks.)

After I sat down I jumped back up to go get the baby from Jeebs so he could get ready for his talk. I took her to the mother's lounge and started nursing her and thankfully she fell asleep. I had turned up the volume in there so I wouldn't miss Jeebs' talk. He began with a joke about the intermediate hymn and then continued with, "and if anybody needs an auctioneer, my wife is available". I've always given my talks fast, but I think that one was a record.

After I got the baby to sleep I realized I had 3 unmanned children sitting on the front pew. I eased up and went back in to sit down thinking for sure I would have to take Ezra out. I sat down and I turn to see Ezra batting and swiping at Taylor's hair. I knew that wouldn't end well so I told Ezra to stop and Taylor urgently whispered, "if it keeps him quiet, let him do it!" I was sort of in shock. This is the girl that can't stand for Ezra to touch her in the car. This is the girl that can't stand a brush to touch her head. I was so thankful at that moment for my good children and for the extra help I know Heavenly Father was giving me. At one moment all three walked out to get water together and came back in unscathed and quiet. It can be done.

Then (are you still reading this?) I had to teach Relief Society and all I wanted to do was go home and take a nap. As I sat in Relief Society thinking how to start my lesson I started laughing about Brian Regan's "Me Monster" skit he does. I started my lesson with "I know you're all thinking here's Sister Nicolaysen again, she's back with tales of adventure apparently about auctioneering". Hallelujah that day is over!

and in case you haven't seen the me monster: seriously watch it.

Flooding the Nile

Did you know the Nile River floods it's banks every year? I didn't. This homeschooling thing is hard. This was Cagey's little project for history. He made a little foil Nile river with grass seed in the dirt. We flood the Nile and the grass seed will hopefully grow. (please let it grow)

And then for date night- after Jeebs mowed the lawn and I contemplated going running, but instead worked on my talk for Sunday- we watched Brian Regan videos on you tube. This is one of my favorites- I'm dedicating it to you Giada big face Delaurentis.

He's not on here a lot

Cagey hates to have his picture taken so I have to sneak up on him. He is the sweetest little guy. Yesterday he did all of his school without complaint. I told him after I got both babies to sleep (for about 3 seconds) that he needed to spend some time outside and get some sunshine. He wasn't happy about it, but he went out with only a sad look on his face. Cagey hates being the center of attention and doesn't want to waste time with too much talk talk talking. He asked why we had pictures of temples on our walls and I told him the quick answer, "So you can always remember what the goal is, to go to the temple," then I tried to expound a little bit and I got, "Moooommmyy, stoooop." I asked him the other day if he remembered something and he gave me one of his non-human boy looks with a scowl and said nothing. I asked him again and all I got was, "when I make this face that means no". I have to find something to interest this kid beyond video games. Do you want to do karate Cagey? no. Do you like basketball? no. Do you like football? no. Soccer? no. Baseball? no. Do you like running, Cagey? no. Music maybe? an instrument? we'll see. He truly is Jeebs' miniature.

This kid

This kid rocks my world in so many ways. He is hilarious, quirky and insane all at the same time. One minute he's saying sweet things like, "thank you...so much," and the next he's trying to bite a hunk of flesh from his sister's back or shoulder or leg or whatever he can get his teeth in to. Today he was asking to do "judy duty" (Jeebs' jury duty was the highlight of our week last week).
Ezra lives life out loud and yet he is afraid of the garbage truck, the forklifts at Lowe's, and the train noise from our house. He just about knocked me down trying to get into the house and safely away from the noise of the train. I have never known a little boy afraid of trucks and trains and leaving the house without their hair fixed. He is the loudest child in existence and he refuses to be silenced. When his sibs try to tell him to stop singing he gets upset and tells them, "I wanna sing! I wanna sing!" or whatever the noise he's making, "I wanna wawawawa, I wanna wawawawa!" I believe that was the noise he was determined to make today. He almost always gives hugs and kisses when you want them and bites, scratches, hits and pulls hair when you don't. That's Ezra.

This is Meny MOOKUS!! She looked so cute on Sunday with her brand new dress, tights and shoes. She has turned into a little rollie pollie chunkus. When she wakes up she smiles and smiles. She tries to eat, but will stop mid breakfast and look up at me with a huge squinty eyed smile letting milk run down the side of her mouth. It's all I can do not to ingest her back into my body. It's weird- you really could just eat your babies up!!

Nothin' cuter...

than a smiley, fuzzy headed baby in the morning.

3 Ghost Stories

1. I saw something today out my bathroom door that I can not explain. I can't even tell it interestingly or explain in words exactly what I saw. But I will try. I went into my bathroom to well ya know, and I looked back at the open door- because we've already established I don't close the door. As soon as I looked I saw a white piece of material on the chair outside the bathroom door move slowly out of sight. I immediately thought, "that was weird, that had to be Percy dragging something off the chair with his leash". After I got done I looked at the chair and there were my white shams sitting on top both out of sight of the bathroom door. I put them up on the edge of the chair and tried to recreate what I saw and I couldn't do it. I brushed it off and thought there had to be some other explanation. About an hour later I was making lunch and dropped a shred of cheese on the kitchen floor. Just as I started to whistle for Percy I remembered he was still in his kennel from last night.

2. After lunch Jeebs IM'd me from his phone (he had jury duty this week, all week) and I started telling him about my ghost story. He kept giving explanation after explanation of what it could be. Then he asked me if I wanted another ghost story. Of course I did- who doesn't like a good ghost story? The minute I responded "ok", I heard male voices coming from my bedroom. For a split second I was freaked and then realized Jeebs was actually giving me a story...turning on Rush on his computer from his phone. Argh.

3. This last one really isn't a ghost story, but it scared the poop out of me. I got a watermelon on Saturday that turned out to be not so good. So we ate a little bit of one half and both chunks had been sitting on the counter since yesterday. Two days of watermelon counter sitting is all I can stand so I went to chunk it out in the woods. I walked out my back door, hurled the half into the woods (that's composting at it's best) and walked back up to my patio. As I passed my strawberry patch I noticed there was a strawberry ready to pick and a good size. I bent down and pulled off a couple of little bitty rotten berries and hurled them out towards the woods then grabbed the bigger one and it too had insect holes in it so away it went. I stood back up and looked at a big weed sticking up through my cute little patch and thought, "I need to get that dang ugly weed." I made a fraction of a move to get to the weed and my whole patch just started shaking violently. Out of the corner of my eye I see a black spot dart out of the patch. I screamed and looked more closely just to find Mr. Cottontail bounding back into the woods. I had to be careful because you know they can smell fear.

Game show junkies

(Meny and Jeebs engrossed in Family Feud)
I used to love a good infomercial and I have always been a food network junkie. Jeebs- he's a gameshow junkie. He loves GSN and could even hold his own against my grandma in Wheel of Fortune. I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

Also- I am so sick of reading baking blogs by skinny folks. If you bake- or have supposedly spent your life in a cinnabon line- you should be chubby...end of story. I'm gonna call the president so he can make this fair for all us baking chubbies.

Jury duty

Jeebs has jury duty. He is juror number twelve. "A good jury should have like twelve," said in my Pedro voice. I told him to fake a facial tick or say he's a racist or something, but he was sworn in with his hand on a bible, a bible shared by as many other hands (or fingers) that could fit on it. He was gone all day today and he'll be gone tomorrow. I actually survived it. It's good to know that after having him home for 2 and a half years helping me most every day- I can still do it alone if he ever gets a job with an office.

Having one car, however, does really sucketh. I have to take him downtown, pick up Tates from school and then pick him back up downtown. I felt like a small taxi service today and Ezra did not get a nap except during taxi rides. Ya know what's cool though? I don't have a cell phone, but Jeebs can call our car through onstar. It's weird for the car to start ringing, but it's much easier and practical for me than a cell phone. Our free minutes are almost up, but right now it's perfect. Is it weird I don't have a cell phone? I think my momma and I are the only people I know without cell phones. I'd rather have a new outfit and shoes any day. I really want an outfit I can finish with a belt- that's my goal- get this belly in gear to be belted. Or I'd trade all my cell phone rights for this...(cuz apparently to the gov't a cell phone is a right)

Baby love

I caught one picture of our Labor day celebrations. We didn't celebrate, unless you call going to Lowe's and eating quizno's for lunch a celebration. Hold up- there is a click beetle inside our house... sounds like a freaking horror movie in here.

Saturday we went to Sam's. I always find going around getting food samples at Sam's (or anywhere really) awkward. I mean, of course I want to have a free bite of that delicious, expensive pre-made junk that I'll never buy, but I don't want to look like the fatty that's excited for the free food. Sam's is crazy though the way people are hovering around waiting for their little easy bake ovens to ding so there's a fresh plate of hotwings to try. When I finally do get a sample of something I listen to their whole dang spiel with my, "wow I can't believe this good deal," face and I stand around looking at the product for a minute trying to look like I might actually genuinely consider buying it. I would be great on an infomercial. I used to love watching those things. And last but not least, PANCAKES!!

Journal

This is supposed to be my journal so if I were writing in an actual journal I'd write about...
-my baby not taking a nap all day until I gave up and put her in the swing
-Cagey bawling about not getting a blue ticket (a new incentive program I thought would be genius and get him to work harder) and refusing to finish his work
-how I really would love to have my kids home, but I hate homeschooling and how much I suck at it.
-My body getting fatter after I have a baby
-Taylor wanting to look like a boy and bawling when I try to understand why she is so determined to look like a boy
-wondering why I didn't opt for the single life (not really, being single sucked)
-my two year old determined to put on his own clothes...inside out, upside down, sideways or backwards (kinda like the Wonkavator, I didn't know clothes could go on a body so many different ways) so 20 minutes after I say, "let's go for a walk," he's finally dressed, but I'm too worn out to go (and then we go anyway)

It was just another one of those days. I have them a lot lately, but in brighter news...we lowered our house price again. So, yeah.