A marathon Sunday

Yesterday I had to speak in sacrament meeting. In general public speaking makes me want to vomit, but lately I've been even more panicky than usual. Before I had to speak Mooks decided she was unhappy sitting quietly so I had to take her out into the lobby and as I stood out there I walked in circles plotting an escape. I kept thinking, "I can just go in the bathroom and pretend I'm sick and they won't find me or I can just go nurse the baby and blame it all on her, or on and on and on," Then I would say a prayer and calm down for a second and then my mind would run away again and I thought I was going to die. So- calm, DYING, calm, DYING, calm, DYING! get the picture? Yeah, it was pretty awful. Jeebs came out and got the baby so I could go sit with the kids and go up to give my talk. I sat back down with my kids and looked at them and told myself, "Look, I made these kids, I pushed them from my loins (without drugs), I've kept them alive up to this point, I can read this stupid talk!" That got me through the next two minutes and then I had to go up to the podium and I felt like a firefighter running into a burning building as everyone else is running out. No, I'm not a hero.

I started off okay because I was telling a story in my own words. Then I felt like I was running a race. I had to get it all out before I passed out or died in front of every one. If I'm going to die, I don't want everyone to see it, ya know? The only people I saw during the whole thing were my family. I saw Jeebs giving me a face- which I found out afterwards he was giving me the "slow down" signal and my sweet kids on the front row being very reverent except for one point when Cagey and/or Ezra said something in their normal voice. The pup was grateful (what movie?). After I said "amen", I breathed out for probably the first time in 7 minutes. Yes, 7 minutes- I wanted Jeebs to have plenty of time for his 9 page talk. (Cagey asked him before we left, "daddy how long is that talk?" Cagey is not a fan of long talks.)

After I sat down I jumped back up to go get the baby from Jeebs so he could get ready for his talk. I took her to the mother's lounge and started nursing her and thankfully she fell asleep. I had turned up the volume in there so I wouldn't miss Jeebs' talk. He began with a joke about the intermediate hymn and then continued with, "and if anybody needs an auctioneer, my wife is available". I've always given my talks fast, but I think that one was a record.

After I got the baby to sleep I realized I had 3 unmanned children sitting on the front pew. I eased up and went back in to sit down thinking for sure I would have to take Ezra out. I sat down and I turn to see Ezra batting and swiping at Taylor's hair. I knew that wouldn't end well so I told Ezra to stop and Taylor urgently whispered, "if it keeps him quiet, let him do it!" I was sort of in shock. This is the girl that can't stand for Ezra to touch her in the car. This is the girl that can't stand a brush to touch her head. I was so thankful at that moment for my good children and for the extra help I know Heavenly Father was giving me. At one moment all three walked out to get water together and came back in unscathed and quiet. It can be done.

Then (are you still reading this?) I had to teach Relief Society and all I wanted to do was go home and take a nap. As I sat in Relief Society thinking how to start my lesson I started laughing about Brian Regan's "Me Monster" skit he does. I started my lesson with "I know you're all thinking here's Sister Nicolaysen again, she's back with tales of adventure apparently about auctioneering". Hallelujah that day is over!

and in case you haven't seen the me monster: seriously watch it.