Monday, May 3, 2010

May 3rd: you'll wanna read this one

Daddy:

My daddy loves to fish. (Wouldn't that be dull if I left it at that? Yeah- so I'm not.) Daddy always uses the bathroom before he puts in the boat- because nobody likes to hang over the side or use the live well or race back straight legging it to the shore (just trust me if you don't know- or read on to the section about me). So, following habit he went up to the bathroom to relieve any pressure before getting out on the lake. I'm sure he chose the stall he always goes in- because that is daddy- same route, same stop, same bathroom, same stall. As he sat, relieving the aforementioned pressure, he scanned the stall door for a good read and sees a scribbled little invitation,
"for a good time- be here tuesday 10 am"
It's Tuesday... Daddy slowly lifts his watch to eye level...it's 10 am. At that moment all planets aligned and the door to the bathroom swung open. Daddy leaned forward on the bowl and clamped his hand around the bottom of the stall door with a force that would rival a vise grip. Heaven help that man if he had tried to open daddy's stall door- I can only imagine the tussle that would have ensued. Aren't you glad you stayed for that?


Post Edit: This is my daddy's version he just sent in an email- better than mine :)


"Picture this in your mind - 5:30 in the morning - sitting on the pot - stall door will not lock - read note - door opens to bathroom at exact time on the stall door that won't lock - death grip on bottom of stall door until person who came in leaves again - no color in hand from tight grip - red face with veins sticking out from leaning over to hold door"





Ezra:

One of the most characteristic things about Ezra is his high pitched, bloodcurdling scream. It's like he is screaming to the heavens, "How could you send me here? Have you met my mother? She's certifiably insane and when the milk lets down I see my life flash before my eyes!!"

Me:

Since daddy's story happened at Lake O' the Pines I thought I'd share my story that happened at the lake. We started water skiing when Page and I were really young. We had special little training skis. They were connected. I think I was 7 or 8 when I started skiing and the skis were so short that it was hard to stand- you had to ski in a squat position. The upside of the training skis was that they were connected- the downside was that up through that connection, whilst skiing, shot a very high powered stream o' water up between the legs. I received my very first enema this way...on the lake...it worked extremely well. In the words of Homestar: I was growling and pooping all over the place. Disgusting. Enjoy that?

4 comments:

Allison said...

All I can say is...oh my! haha

Page said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Page said...

I remember those crappy skis, no pun intended, they were my inspiration to stand up on the normal skis.

DyessFam said...

both stories - HILARIOUS!!! Your poor dad! Got his morning strength training exercise before he even went fishing!