Today at the duck pond I watched the ducks closely ducking their heads under the water and the beads of water rolling right off back into the pond- really kind of cool. If I ever call home and start ranting to my dad about something someone has done or said I know most of the time his response will be, "let it roll off Nessa- like a duck's back." He says that's the reason he doesn't have much gray hair: he never holds grudges. What does that say about Jeebs? hmmmm :)
I don't know if this is about Ezra or me or both, but as I was walking to the duck pond today just him and me I thought about when he was born. It was the hardest experience of my life. I was depressed about it for a long time and still get depressed when I think about it. That's not how childbirth should be. I know, I know- the main goal is a healthy baby and a healthy mom, but we only get to experience birth a finite number of times. I want to experience it the way Heavenly Father intended for it to be. Cagey's birth was so near perfect I long for that experience again. There are no words for the joy I felt that day- unmatched by anything. I snuggled in my bed all day with my new sweet baby, it was pure bliss. I missed that with Taylor and Ezra- I feel cheated.
Now that it has been almost a year I can finally share the "after" pictures. I felt as bad as I looked. After Ezra was born my eyes were so swollen I couldn't open them both at the same time. I couldn't enjoy my baby- I was miserable, can you tell?
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